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THE COMPLETE FUNNY MEDICAL DICTIONARY
Submitted by Dr Nick Hodgson on Mon, 20/07/2009 - 10:37am.
| Adenoma | What you say to your mother when you don't know the answer |
| Aerobe | A garment worn around the house |
| Alimentary | What Holmes said to Watson |
| Anally | Occurring yearly |
| Antepartum | When your father's sister goes home |
| Antibody | Against everyone |
| Artery | The study of paintings |
| Atonic | Goes with your gin |
| Bacteria | Back door to the cafeteria |
| Bandages | What happens to old rock stars |
| Barium | What doctors do when patients die |
| Benign | What you are after you be eight and before you be ten |
| Bolus | What psychoanalysts talk |
| Botulism | Tendency to make mistakes |
| Bowel | A letter like a, e, i, o, or u |
| Buccal | Does up your belt |
| Bullae | A tough guy |
| Caesarean Section | A neighbourhood in Rome |
| Cardiac arrest | Taken into custody after stealing a coupe Deville |
| Cardiology | Study of poker playing |
| Carpal | Someone you drive to work with |
| Castrate | Market price for setting a fracture |
| CAT Scan | Searching for the Kitty |
| Cauterize | To make eye contact with a woman |
| Chiropractor | An Egyptian doctor |
| Colic | A kind of sheep dog |
| Colonic | Nice smelling after shave |
| Coma | A punctuation mark |
| Congenital | Friendly |
| Coronary | Domesticated yellow bird |
| Cortisone | The local courthouse |
| Cystogram | A telegram sent to your sister |
| D & C | Where the White House is |
| Diarrhea | Journal of daily events |
| Dilate | To live a long time |
| Enema | Not a friend |
| Enteritis | How actors get onto the stage |
| ER | The things on your head that you hear with |
| Eyedropper | A clumsy ophthalmologist |
| Fester | Quicker than someone else |
| Fibula | A white lie |
| G.I. Series | World Series of military baseball |
| Ganglia | A very tall thin person |
| Genes | Blue denim slacks |
| Genital | Non-Jewish person |
| Genotype | The kind of girl Gino likes |
| Hangnail | A coat hook |
| Hemorrhoid | A male from outer space |
| Herpes | Something bald men wear |
| Hippocampus | A university for African animals |
| Hoarse | A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby |
| Hormones | What a prostitute does to get paid |
| ICU | What to say when playing "peek-a-boo" |
| Impotent | Distinguished, well known |
| Inpatient | Tired of waiting |
| Intern | Wait in a queue |
| Intestine | Currently taking an exam |
| Labor Pain | Getting hurt at work |
| Mammogram | A telegram to your Mum |
| Medical Staff | A doctor's cane |
| Minor Operation | Gold digging |
| Morbid | A higher offer than I bid |
| Nitrates | Cheaper than day rates |
| Node | I knew it |
| Organ transplant | What you do to your piano when you move house |
| Organic | An Organ repairman |
| Outpatient | A person who has fainted |
| Pap Smear | A fatherhood test |
| Paralyze | Two far-fetched stories |
| Pathological | Following map directions |
| Pelvis | Elvis Presley's cousin |
| Pharmacist | Farmer's sister |
| Photophobia | Fear of having your photo taken |
| Plaster cast | Drunk actors |
| Post Operative | A secretive Postman |
| Prostate | Flat on your back |
| Protein | In favor of young people |
| Recovery Room | Place to do upholstery |
| Rectum | Very nearly killed him |
| Red blood count | Dracula |
| Rheumatic | Amorous |
| Saline | Where you go on your rich friend's boat |
| Scalpel | What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings |
| Secretion | Hiding something |
| Seizure | Roman emperor |
| Serology | Study of english knighthood |
| Surgery | Reason to get an uninterruptible power supply |
| Tablet | A small table |
| Terminal Illness | Getting sick at the airport |
| Triple bypass | An amazing quarterback move |
| Tumor | More than one |
| Ultrasound | A loud noise |
| Urine | Opposite of you're out |
| Varicose | Nearby |
| Vein | Conceited |
| Weak | Seven days |
| Xenophobia | Fear of strangers or foreigners |
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